SOUTH AFRICAN WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION


South Africa has joined the armed race, and I swear Head Office is in my kitchen.

Firstly let me introduce Mieta – director of arms. Mieta is my “maid” affectionately known as my “mieta-maid”. Yes Mieta works on a ticket and fine system, for instance should we step out of line, dare to dirty a cleaned dish or walk on a clean floor she enforces some sort of punishment – ie. witholding morning coffee until major butt-kissing takes place (all this another tale).
Back to SA and their involvement in weapons of Mass Destruction.
All operators of these weapons are well disguised, they lurk in our homes and are extreemly well trained in the operation of their weapons.
At base level (lets call it basics – not unlike the army) the operators are taught how to weild and cause maximum damage with a feather duster. Now the simple feather duster may seem harmless to those not in the arms industry – but do you have any idea how much damage can be done with this innocent items. In trained hands they can virtually destroy a home, light fittings never to work again, irons, kettles, ornaments and laptops can be accidently “swept” away and the only excuse will be I’M SORRY, I’M VERY VERY SORRY.
The distribution network in SA for feather dusters will make any Mafia boss turn green with envy, again well descuised the feather-duster pimps openly sell their wares at traffic lights and street corners. Well organised users ensure that the weapons are delivered directly to their doorsteps.
Feather dusters are now being colour coded for the users according to their destructive capabilities.
Feather duster coding:
BLACK – this is for the first time soldier and is the easiest to hide amongst the mops and brooms.
WHITE – as the users confidence grows they move up the ranks to a white weapon.
PINK – This is for Sargent Stage Feather duster duster users – only for those that they have total confidence that their weapon is not under suspicion.
LIME GREEN – Is only to be used by the Pro’s, Lime Green is aesthetically pleasing when mixed with anything broken, especially glass.
Once a soldier has learned basic feather duster skills, they quickly move on to destructive vacume cleaner alternatives, how to burn just about anything with an iron, how putting just one small red item into a washing machine is lethal, dropping dishes into a sink at optimum angles, stacking glassware on top of each other, how to operate an empty kettle and my personal favorite – using floor polish to make the floor as slippery as possible.
Passing all of the above – the soldier moves onto the third and final level – OMO BLEACH – now the underground selling network for Omo bleach have it waxed, they have developed a disguise that enables them to put the bleach on every shopping shelf in the country, you can purchase it any time and their is no age restriction on who can purchase. This incospicious little white bottle lurks in your cupboard and for those in the know can cause catastrophic results.
Take Omo Bleach mix it with a bucket, water and a mop and the possibilities for destruction are endless – carpets ruined, curtians with white spots are a new craze, bottoms of furniture lost for life the list for creativity is endless.
Forget nukes, suicide bombers, car bombs and the such – more dangerous beings have been infiltrated directly into your home, they are so well entrenched that they are protected by law – be aware, be scared and be very, very careful.
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