This term I was going to have it waxed. I was going to get everything ready the day before the 3rd term starts. Why? Well I am so tired of the total chaos that goes hand in hand with the first day of term. The frantic searching for school bags, uniforms, the report that has to be signed and returned, the forms that have to be filled in, the holiday homework, lunch boxes and the other million things that have to be dealt with on the first day, when all I should be dealing with is waking up and waking up two kids that are used to waking up at their leisure.
I jump up – pre-woken-up kids to get the basics done with the least hassle, then, PLAN A is that the kids will do the rest without the “where is ………….”, and “I cant find ………….”, and “Mom I’m sure Rosie took my ………..”
NOTE TO SELF : Teach the children to find their own stuff without blaming each other and without asking me.
It took a while but I found the school bags ……… under the stairs ………. pushed into the deepest darkest corner (this should have let off a warning light). Rosies bag is very heavy and Jamies bag is empty.
JAMIES BAG – TICK – Bag Found.
As I open the Rosies bag I get the most horrible feeling something is watching me. HELL!!! This is like something out of a Steven King novel – CHRISTENE! The bag episode.
I made my biggest mistake just after that – I opened the bag – and was klapped good and proper in the nose by the thickest, most horrible smell I have ever come across. I gingerly lift up the lunch box – the outside is orange – the inside is a black greenish furry mass.
NOTE TO SELF : Chicken Burgers do not last well for three weeks, under the stairs, in a dark corner in an orange lunch box.
Now if any of you know our Rosie, she doesn’t do bad things. In Rosies world everything is clean, everything works, nothing smells, everyone is nice and gets along, nobody argues and is nasty. Green, vrot , stinky furry stuff in lunch box does not even get into the same stratosphere as Rosies planet. KADUNK! The lunch box gets chucked into the neighbours outside bin. The bag gets scrubbed and jikked to within an inch of its wheelie life.
ROSIES BAG – TICK – Bag found, contents in the arms of HAZMAT.
Now for the contents, this normally involves the School passing on a lot of forms, newletters, reports, extra- mural- pay- through- your- nose fliers, your school account, your bus account, next terms programme and other important paper details.
Now remember Jamies bag is empty.
JAMIES CONTENT OF BAG – Tick – contents dealt with.
Now remember this is all happening whilst the rest of the family is blissfully sleeping away a very rainy day Sunday morning. Even the dogs aren’t bothering me they are busy sniffing away at the neighbours outside bin.
Rosie bag is chokka block. I sort books into one pile (she can deal with those). Sign her report and put it back in clean bag. Deal with notes for School Play, have a pile for Frans to deal with (accounts), and find the notes with the homework for the holidays.
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!! Homework for the holidays??????? This is just cruel. The list was:
- You must read the book “ The something or other really boring holiday reading” and you will be tested on this book on the first day of term. All 34 Chapters of it. Now I hope you are all remembering that Rosie is my organised child, Jamie is my disaster management type of kid (but …… Jamies bag is empty so no worries there) how are things going so pear-shaped. She is going to crack when she sees this.
- You are in the public speaking quadrathlon please have a prepared speech on one of the following topics ………………………………. .
Now to be quite honest I really don’t want to wake anyone up just yet and lets put it mildly I cannot read her book for her and I am not in the right frame of mind to assist her with a prepared speech.
Important dates are diarised, class notes between friends ie. You know the ones folded 8 times and says on the front – FOR ROSIE – PASS TO ROSIE! Are carefully put back into the bag. The bag is ready for action.
NOTE TO SELF: In future leave school notes well alone until given to me by the kids.
ROSIES BAG – Tick – it took a while but it is dealt with.
I must say the rest goes pretty smoothly. School and sports clothes all present, no reports of missing books, pencil cases, scissors, calculators and flipfiles – all present. The kids are given the pre-term speech about how they must try hard, be organised and most of all have fun. The kids are ready, I am ready – there is peace. I have even bought tasty treaty type lunches for the first day of school.
A few hours well spent.
Back to school day dawns and we have relative peace in our world. I am so chuffed none of the normal hectic first day run around.
…………… All good until ………. Rosie comes running up the stairs ……….. and she is not happy …….
“MOM!!!!!!! ………. I cant find my lunch box…………”
NOPE – we will never win.