A Letter to my Children about Friendship

To my Dear Children

The first thing I need to tell you is that nothing in life is Black or White.  Life is one big blob of Grey – and, in that massive blob of Grey is millions of particles of little grey matter that move, grow, diminish and change every second.

In that blob are your friends.  People change, you change and circumstances change, and, because of all this your friends will change as well. There is nothing wrong with this change, although at times it wont feel right, you will feel like a failure if your friends change, but in the end it is life, and life has a funny way of sneaking up on you and kicking you in the butt. 

If you want friends you firstly have to be a good friend.  Here kindness, tolerance, humour, sympathy and sometimes a great big shoulder to cry on are things you must lug around in your grey matter.

Secondly you have got to work out if the kindness, tolerance, humour and sympathy you are dishing out is the right mixture for the people who you like.  Sometimes it isnt – so everyone has to move on.  Again, nothing wrong with moving on, it just means your grey matter has had a bit of a shift and life is kicking butt again.

There are certian types of people who sometimes arent worthy of being your friend:

People who only need you during the fun times – these are people who are only decent to you when you are having a party, when they want to come and stay at your house, when they need a lift somewhere, or just when it is convenient for them to be friends with you.  Friends are there for all occaisons, the boring and the blast.

People who tell other people not to be your friend are not worthy friends.  These people are very easy to spot.  If a person has told you not to be friends with another, 100 percent they have told people not to be friends with you.  They will allow you to move to another group and in a nano-second they will be in the new group causing strife.  These people cannot stand to see happy friendships.  These people are the gossips, the back-stabbers, the liers and the people who leave you off an invitation list just to be mean, or force other people to take you off their party invitation list.  They cannot bear being left out of anything and they take offence to the smallest thing or twist words which can and will be held against you.

People who delete you from their friend lists on bbm, facebook and other social networks because you do not answer them quick enough, are not friends.  Here is a difficult one, because they have the problem, not you, but you are made to feel like the baddie.

People who send broadcast messages about you, who make you feel bad about yourself and people you care about deserve to be deleted from your Social Networking lists.  You can always choose later whether to take them back again – at your own peril!

People who are friends with you one day and the next hate the ground you walk on – they are not your friends.  Firstly you have to look at yourself to see if your glass house is clean – if it is and you have caused no hurt, just walk away.  Their Grey Matter is just moving in a different direction to yours.  It is up to you whether to accept them back as friends (they will come back) when both your Grey Matters are spinning towards each other.

Real friends will be happy when you achieve something and you will be happy for them when they achieve something.  Jealousy and Friendship does not live in the same box.  If you know that something makes someone jealous dont brag or rub it in their face – you are going to cause strife.

Friends dont force you to do things you dont want to do.  They wont put pressure on you to hurt people, take drugs, steal, tease others.  They will love you enough to respect your feelings and morals.

Friends will never lie about you.  They will not blame you for things that happen.  We have always taught you to suck up your punishment when being caught out for doing something wrong – this piece of advice will hold you strong in life.  People who always blame you when they are caught out for something are not your friends.  These people are also easily spotted, when they are caught out they never admit wrong and will always blame others for their faults.

There are many other types of people that you may not want to be friends with,  that is also OK, but because you dont want to be friends with someone does not make them your enemy – they are just people you know.  Included in the people you know list are the types of “friends” above.  You dont have to be rude to them, but you dont have to invite them to your home either.  Common courtesy plays a huge role her.  To people you know you greet, smile and just be generally decent – then you walk on, no harm, no hate, no issues.

Also, please remember, sometimes people have an off day.  You may take it that they are being horrible to you, but ya know what – they are just having an off day nothing more ….. nothing less.  Here is when you must stop being sensitive and judgemental and show a bit of love and understanding. 

If someone forgets to congratulate you for something (a birthday or an achievement)  …….. thats all – they forgot, move on.

And through all this hodge-podge, of people being mean and you being mean, people being insensitive and you being insensitive and them having a bad day and you having a bad day, you will find a couple of true friends.

Real friends will tease you and joke with you, just like you are going to tease them and joke with them, that what real friends do.  They will also be there to pick you up when you fall and you will be there to scoop them up off the pavement.

Real friends will want you to have millions of other friends – they dont care how many friends you have got because they are sure of your friendship with them.

Statistics rate you will have about 7 true friends in your whole life, these are the people whose Grey matter just gels with your Grey matter.  These are the people who you nurture.  I am not saying you are not going to have bumps along the way, you will argue, you will have times of unhappiness.  But gone, they will leave a huge gap in your Grey matter that can only be filled by them.

True friendship is not worried about age, race, sex and culture.  True friendship is finding someone you are at peace with and you bring peace and happiness to them.  Friendship is the bonding a two souls.

I hope and pray that you find true friends in the journey that is going to be your life.  I have, and I bless those people that are now near and far and how they have enriched me.

Love from your Mom

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