Once in a while, well …….. a tad more than once in a while I find myself in completely ridiculous situations.  The story goes like this.

For each of my groups birthday we plan a special adventure.  Normally something new and exciting.  All except for one member of our group who is a super busy Mom, she enjoys a dinner or lunch, where we can all dress up and go and relax over a nice meal and cocktails, away from kids and her busy busy business.

At just about the same time that we started planning her birthday lunch, the SPCA sent out an invite to a fundraiser at Cafe Bijoux one of our favorite places.

SPCA – VINTAGE Fashion Show Fundraiser.

It couldn’t be more perfect, great location, food, wine, a fashion show, AND, even better we would be supporting a good cause.

We quickly booked our tickets and started concentrating on what to buy our super Birthday Girlfriend.

Now the show is on the Thursday.  On Monday morning I am at work, I am very busy and my phone rings. ” HITANYAITSBERNICEFROMBRUCES”.  She talks fast.  “Would you consider being a model at the SPCA Fashion Show?”  Now this is the point where my mouth took on a life of its own, and, all by itself it says.  “JA!!!!”  (I always talk loud when my mouth takes on a life of its own),  “FOR SURE ………… BUT THERE ARE 8 OF US AND WE WOULD ALL LOVE TO MODEL”.

Deathly silence on the end of the line ……….. “Are you sure?”


I put down the phone.

I look at my phone wondering what just happened and why my mouth said these really stupid things.

Now I have to tell the girls ……… so I take the easy way out.  I phone Lindsay.

“Lindsay I have done a really really terrible thing ……”

“WHAT???? …… Are you OK????”

“No Linds a REALLY bad thing ……. and …….. I must talk quick because I am running out of airtime ……… please get hold of all the girls and tell them that they have GOT to model at the Vintage Fashion Show ………. “you have 15 seconds left of airtime” (me talking in elevator voice),   PLEEEEEZE Linds just phone them I am running out of …………”  (I put the phone down).

Shew ……. now in my books, the ball is well and truly in Lindsays court,  Bernice is thrilled because she only made one call hand had a bunch of Models.

The phone rings again, its Bernice, mmmmmm maybe she is cancelling our gig.  “Tans”  She says, “Did I mention that when you wear the clothes they will be auctioned off your back to raise funds for the animals?”


“No problem”  My mouth says again, “We are so looking forward to it”.  I think I added “the girls are thrilled”.

Now there is no way in blazes that I am going to tell the girls this one so I just reckon I will shut up and let them find out later.

ADD to all of this, the birthday lunch is a surprise, so the birthday girl will not know that she is a model in a fashion show until 2 seconds before the moment.

So we arrange to meet at Toffee Clothing at 4 to select the items we are going to wear.  I am late and I swear all but one person got there at 3.30.  It was literally a race of 1st there best dressed.  The person who wasn’t there was pretending the whole situation wasn’t happening at all and refused to answer her phone.  Also people used to be a lot smaller, the average size of the clothes (if they had a tag on them) was about a 6, and the last time I was a 6 was when I was 6.


Now the clothes are most definitely vintage.  They are clothes that have been brought to the SPCA charity shop to be sold for the doggies and kitties.  They are so vintage that half of the items are crimplene.  By definition Crimplene is a thick yarn used to make fabric, resulting in a cloth that is heavy, wrinkle-resistant and retains its shape well.  And all that is left when I get there is a pink crimplene dress and a 70’s polka dot number that defied logic.

All the 90’s disco numbers were snapped up, all the 80’s clothes had been chosen, anything 2000 plus were gone, even the wedding dress had a name on it.  We choose goodies for the birthday girl.


The morning of the Modeling Birthday party arrives.  We primp and prime ……. we tell the birthday girl to primp and prime and at 11 o clock we meet at the restaurant (the show starts at 12).

To give her credit she took it well.  We got dressed and worked the show, literally having the clothes sold off our backs.


Now being a fashion icon is awful, you have to strutt your stuff, just hoping that you dont trip.  Being a fashion icon and being auctioned off at the same time is simply stratosphere mind numbing.  You get this sinking feeling “what if nobody bids?”.  “What if everybody sniggers?”   But the crowd rocked and paid many greenbacks for clothes they may or may not ever wear.  Even the wedding dress went to a person who is well, truly and happily married.

We came, we saw, we conquered.  We had more than a good giggle.

For one day, for one brief moment we all got out of our box.  Bar one, none of us had ever set foot on a ramp in our lives.  It was great, a box  ticked.

Crimlene is the most awful fabric to wear ever.

R30 000.00 was raised for the SPCA on that fun afternoon.

Have my friends forgiven me ……….. well I dont know, I am sure a nasty surprise is awaiting me in the near future, and you know what I CANT WAIT!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s