The moon is 384 000 km from earth. To most of us travelling into space and over such distances seems unattainable and impossible …. Or maybe not. I HAVE DONE IT – WELL ALMOST…..
My cars odometer reading sits this morning on 256 892 – which takes me almost to the kay 2 thirds to the moon. And I can honestly say 99.0% percent of my “two thirds to the moon” travelling is dedicated to ferrying ungrateful children to and from their exciting commitments.
So ……. Here I am with a car that in Moon miles would take me 2/3 rds to the Moon, which in literal terms would put me as close as blazes to the middle of nowhere – and you know what …….. that’s exactly where I feel that I am right now …… the middle of nowhere.
I sometimes wonder whether when Mr August Horch first sat at his drawing board to design the first Audi ever imagined that his sleek racing machine would be used for the lowly task of stuffing as many bodies and sports equipment into it as possible.
During a recent survey in the UK it was found that men at the wheel of an Audi as seen as the sexiest men in Britian. I kid you not ………… there are actually surveys about this nonsense. There is no mention of Moms at the wheel of the Audi.
Anyway …….. back to my moon quest. Now the biggest thing you have got to realize is that we do not stay very far from our children’s schools. Add to this they are fully able to go to and from school on a bus, which costs us a fraction of what it would cost us to drive them to school ……… actually Frans drives directly past their schools on his way to work …. But
- They like the bus, and
- Frans doesn’t need their crummie early morning attitudes at 7.00 am every day.
So my family is travelling either to or right past the Schools every morning …………… Kids are plopped on the bus at 6.50 am – I drive them to the bus stop (I have to add here that my parents would not have dreamed of taking me to a bus stop, I walked to the bus stop, rain and shine. After school I walked home from the bus stop – rain or shine), as I see the bus disappearing into the sunrise I normally get my first bbm , they normally go on the lines of ……………
“Mom, I forgot it is Netball today ………… please can you bring me my bag”
“Please bring me my Technology drawing board (this one is a favorite)”
My personal favorite is ………….
“Mom, Danielle/Jessica/Josh/Reece/Fill in name here, has left their jersey/book/swimming cap/fill in item here at home please can you bring it to school”
By the time I get home from the bus Frans is normally standing in the living room with an offending text book in his paw – “Look! Rosie has forgotten her geography book!” The unsaid words here ………”And what are you going to do about it?”
Jamie takes the whole thing to a new level. He does not ……… under any circumstances take sporting equipment to school ……….. ever never ever ……….. why????? “It takes up too much space” He gleely tells me “My bag is heavy enough as it is” He has really thought deep here. HE DOES SWIMMING !!!!! How heavy can a second skin a swimming cap and a pair of goggles be? He then expects me to bring his extremely heavy second skin, swimming cap and goggles to the school at 1.45, directly outside the pool gate ….. with an appropriate lunch ……… so he can swan into the pool area.
I am ten minutes into my day.
So I load my car full of extra-mural sporting goods, forgotten bags, books and lunch boxes. My driveway is really busy with other Moms (not a Dad in sight) chucking their kids forgotten sporting goods, books and lunch boxes into my poor boot. The phone lines haven’t stopped ringing with the “can you please drop ………… at school, each phone call is accompanied with a story about how forgetful, stupid, unreliable and ungrateful their child is.
By this time I can hear you saying “She must be mad” or “More the fool her” and you know what? YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
I then drive off to work, which as co-incidence has it is EXACTLY the same place which Frans goes to work. Before work number 1 I drop off all the offending items at different schools. I am not alone here the school secretaries office is full of stupid Moms like me.
At 1 I leave work, rush to the shops to buy food for THEM and look for something interesting to make for dinner. I rush to Jamies school to literally hand him his weighty swimming stuff, I then skedaddle out of Jamies school over to Rosies school to whisk her to the pool for her session.
Then I sit ………… for one hour waiting for them to finish their training, everyone clambers into the car and we drive home, drop off my staff, take Rosie to horseriding, come home (spare 10 minutes here to do some of my real work – running my guesthouse) home again, put dinner on, shuttle Jamie to NSRI, come back home, talk to my husband whilst finishing cooking the dinner, fetch Jamie from NSRI, eat dinner and try and do this all before Greys Anatomy.
Frans recently took me on “holiday”, I found out the holiday consisted of him hopping onto a boat in Cape Town and sailing to Langebaan, me, well I was the driver – he had to be fetched on the other side!!!
A few Christmases ago Jamies gift to me was a car sticker saying “Moms Taxi” – I KID YOU NOT! He was so proud of that gift.
And the kids wonder why I am such a cow.
Right now, I have got is figured, I only have 120 000 kays to go to get to the Moon, this will take me out of the middle of no-where and place me in a quiet bouncy white place ……………. Ahhhhh the Dream!!!!
It is Monday ……….. 6 days to go.